Grade 4, Week 9, Day 5 ~ Friday Free Day

Anyone who doubts the value of play in a child's life should spend some time really observing children at play, deeply absorbed in what they are doing, unfettered by time limits or adult influence.

The boys actually started the day with reading, a typing lesson, and their multiplication game. We tidied the house, ate an early lunch, and headed to the park to spend the afternoon with our friends. T-Guy wore his costume, but as J-Baby's was as of yet (and still as of yet) unfinished he pulled together a cowboy outfit from the dress-up clothing drawer. I didn't bother to tell him that cowboys don't usually wear rugby-striped polo shirts; it wasn't my place to ruin his fun.

We had a small group at the park, all long-time friends, and it worked out beautifully. As much as I enjoy hanging out with all of my mama friends I must admit that these two are the mamas I miss the most when they don't make it. I think it may be that we have been meeting at the park for nearly five years now, or perhaps it is because we used to have play dates at my house, but whatever it is we all get along well.

The kids mostly stayed off the playground, preferring to gather under the trees, playing imaginative games. At one point they built a fairy house of sticks, grass, rocks, and pine cones. With this particular configuration of children we rarely have any division based on gender, which is very nice.

I truly believe that having the opportunity to sink into play is just as important as learning the multiplication tables or how to spell. I am really glad that we've relaxed our Fridays ~ we all need the break and we all benefit from seeing what comes our way.

A Firm Foundation

Carrie has a great post over at The Parenting Passageway about moving forward with Waldorf when one has an imbalanced child. While the post didn't connect with me in terms of my own return to holistic education (see here for why I don't identify us as Waldorf homeschoolers), I loved the questions she poses in asking the parent if they can bring what is needed to the table. It made me see what a firm foundation my family has already built.

We learned early on that our children need fewer choices, not more. We learned that they need us to make the big decisions and most of the small ones too. They don't need to give input on bed times or what to have for dinner. We did make the mistake of thinking that they needed to start making the choices earlier than they did, but we fixed that when we saw that it didn't work.

We have always been fans of early bedtimes for children; even now at 9YO and 10YO they have a 9 p.m. summer bedtime which is surprisingly much earlier than their peers. It is recommended that children at this age sleep 10 hours, and mine do sleep 10 - 11 hours every night. I am part of an attachment parenting community and early bedtimes just aren't popular, but I have seen how well they work for us. Indeed, 9 p.m. is brand new this month; over the years we started at 7 p.m. and very slowly have moved the bedtime as the boys get older. We'll likely hold here at 9 p.m. for several years. (Update in 2014: We still have a 9PM bedtime, year round, and it is still working for us.)

We have always focused on eating healthy, whole foods and on sharing our meals together as a family. We are fortunate enough to be able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together nearly everyday. Sharing meals is important to us and we place a priority on making it happen. We rarely have evening activities but when we do we shift the meal time rather than miss eating together.

Early on holistic parenting taught me to talk less and show more. This has been invaluable as I have boys and they just don't seem to connect to their emotions verbally the same way I see girls of their age do, or the way I did as a child. When they were little many power struggles were averted because we didn't let words get in the way. Even now I believe that actions speak louder than words and I strive to be an example for my children and also to show them how I feel.

We love to be outside as a family and make a point of walking nearly everyday. We also find time to hike/walk away from the sidewalk at least once a week. We hang out at parks. We've grown our own food and flowers and we've been to small gardens and farms where food is grown. We experience nature, we don't feel the need to document it on a continual basis. We don't need to because it isn't a one time thing.

We work with our hands. Although knitting still escapes my boys (I do set the example!) they have done loom knitting as well as weaving (both on peg looms and pot holder looms). They've made yards and yards of spool knitted cords. They love embroidery, something that even the youngest child can do with a wooden needle and a piece of burlap. Hand sewing is on the horizon. Making things is something that I do, so naturally it has spilled over to the boys. Indeed, I can admit that the emphasis on handwork and making crafts is one of the things that initially drew me to holistic educational methods.

My boys play! I wish that more children had the opportunity to explore the world of imagination and play. At this very moment my 9YO is dressed-up as a cowboy. When the boys were younger we had a small wooden kitchen, and when they outgrew that we turned another piece of furniture into a makeshift kitchen (even better than the little one that had been purposely built as a kitchen). There are baskets of handwork scattered throughout the house so that anyone can pick up some yarn or do some embroidery. Our deck has an art easel and a big craft table set up for all sorts of projects.

We love to have fun. I can thank Papa for this, as he never lost the playful, fun energy of childhood and he was able to connect with it as the boys moved into toddlerhood. We skate, fly kites, ride bikes, play games, go to beach, and so much more. I can remember being a child and bemoaning the fact that my parents just didn't know how to have fun; how fortunate that I married a man who does and who brings that to our family.

Another gift that Papa has brought to our family is the gift of music. Not that I'm not musical; I played instruments growing up and I enjoy singing. Music is one of Papa's passions and he often starts impromptu singing sessions by bringing out his guitar and strumming some family songs.

A big part of our foundation is the relationship I share with Papa. I think that the stability we bring to the family creates a sense of peace and safety to the boys. We have nearly 21 years of marriage behind us and we've learned to talk things through and work together as partners. We're also best friends. We work together in raising our boys and I never feel as though my role as an at-home mother is a burden because I am never taken for granted and I don't shoulder all of the work alone. Likewise I recognize that leaving our home each day in order to work and provide for us is a gift from Papa; his dedication and hard work make it possible for me to stay home with our boys.

So when we struggle with parts of our home learning I need to take a step back and look at the overall picture and the strong foundation we stand on. So many of the parts of holistic education already exist effortlessly in our home, which means I can focus on the parts that need work.

What I Take From Waldorf, and What I Leave Behind

First off, Waldorf purists should probably stop reading right now. I don't need anyone telling me that I have to take Waldorf as a whole or leave it completely. However, I know that people bristle when others claim a label title but aren't following the rules, so I do understand the rules ~ I'm just choosing to break them.

First off, a few things I take from Waldorf:

~ The importance of environment on the individual. I think we all do better in calm, peaceful, uncluttered environments.

~ The importance of natural materials. For me the connection is with nature and not some spiritual essence of an object, but whatever. I like how wood and stone look and feel, and I don't like plastic, but I'm not anti-Lego.

~ The block teaching method. I've seen the power of letting something sleep for awhile.

~ The three-fold cycle of input, sleep (digestion), and output. As a method it works.

~ The importance of daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly rhythms; marking time is very human and I can connect with how I felt observing the rhythms of the seasons in my own childhood.

~ The importance of boundaries.

~ The focus on no screen time for children under 7 and limited screen time for older children; again, this is something I have practiced and I have seen work.

~ The importance of involving children in the work of the home; we all need to contribute and working together is a great teaching tool for people of all ages.

~ The basic curriculum through the years, because it is helpful to have a road map and because much of Steiner's observations on child development are in line with what others have found.

~ The importance of the integration of hands, heart, and head (more on this later).

Things I leave behind:

~ Anthroposophy, or spiritual science. It's hogwash in my opinion. For those who say I can't have Waldorf without anthroposophy, please remember that everything changes and evolves. Perhaps some would prefer that I say Waldorf or Enki-inspired, but Waldorf is a term that most of our home learning friends understand. Many of the people I know who have been involved with Waldorf don't know anything about anthroposophy but do think it has some religious connections, so in real life I sometimes use the phrase Secular Waldorf.

~ Any belief that I can damage my children by exposing them to the wrong subject matter at the wrong time. I believe that children are more resilient than that. No, I'm not going to show them photographs from Nazi concentration camps at age 9, but at the same time I'm not worried that they learned Greel mythology at at age 7.

Acceptance and Peace

I feel such peace right now. I have to laugh at myself just a little ~ after all, learning in traditional Waldorf blocks is exactly what my boys have said they like best. Not in those words, of course, but grade 1 has been their favorite year so far, and it is the year that we followed Waldorf/Enki learning the most closely.

I am reminded how often we need to stop and trust our children. In some ways embracing Waldorf or Enki education is as radical as choosing unschooling; we have to break free of everyone else's expectations. We have to let go of state standards and what everyone else thinks our children should be learning and even what we learned as children.

I can choose what to bring to my children and when, but they will ultimately be the ones who take that information and run with it, store it away for later, or just let it fall flat. They trust me and come along with me, but they are also individuals with their own needs and wants, and I must be mindful of that.

I am so very weary with trying to get it right, whatever it is. How to unschool the right way or even do Waldorf the right way. And now I am done. We're just going to do what we do and I am choosing to accept the outcome, whatever it may be. I choose rhythm and focused lessons over unschooling because J-Baby needs the rhythm.

Grade 4, Week 9, Day 4 ~ Patchwork

Morning: Reading, Typing Skills, Multiplication Tables

Afternoon: Game Playing, Story Telling, Reading

Evening: A History of US

J-Baby picked up a children's novel and got absorbed in it! Not a simple chapter book such as Magic Tree House or The Boxcar Children; no, it was Gregor and the Curse of the Warmbloods. It's the third book in the series but who am I to be picky? Honestly, I'm actually not that concerned that J-Baby prefers reading non-fiction titles aimed at adults, but Papa has the reading-for-pleasure worry bug and he was the one who noticed J-Baby curled up on the couch absorbed in the novel.

In For a Penny ...

... well, you know the rest.

I have been seriously reconsidering my decision to modify the Oak Meadow 4th Grade Syllabus into blocks. Not that I don't want to teach in blocks ~ I most certainly do! I'm just, well, not sure that I can do it with Oak Meadow ~ at least not with Oak Meadow alone. I'm finding it hard to find the time to do 100% of the OM syllabus and to put in some of the traditional grade 4 Waldorf blocks.

So now there is a new chart:I'm not even sure how the OM materials will work into my plan ~ I suppose they will be resources just as everything else I buy/borrow/find.

It must appear that I have been very wishy-washy over the past several months (years?). Unchooling? Enki? Waldorf? If Waldorf, which program? Live Education? Christopherus? A Little Garden Flower? Something else?

Whenever I make the decision to change what we are doing I consider it a success, not a failure. I am fine tuning our learning in a way that is nourishing to my children and I am acknowledging that their needs change. I approached this year knowing that we needed rhythm and focused lessons, and Oak Meadow seemed like a good way to get that. I didn't know that it would drive me crazy, LOL! Just two weeks of focused math work showed me that I was on the right track; we were able to go much deeper into our learning.

Course Correction

Our vacation was just the kind of break I had envisioned. We connected with each other and with nature (ocean, sand, sky, sun, shells, dolphins!). We relaxed into a new rhythm based on togetherness. Already I miss it and know that it is my role to bring it back to us here at home.

There is something about the ocean that brings me back to center when I have become unbalanced; the connection with nature clears my mind and helps me remember the life I want to be living. The connection is so important to me that when we were assigned to a room without an ocean view (but close to the pool) we requested to be moved. I didn't mind climbing up 50 steps each time I went to the pool; I needed the ocean view.

I wasn't without tasks; I tidied daily, made the bed, cooked most of our meals, and did laundry. There was, however, a simplicity to it ~ my attention wasn't fragmented the way it is when I am at home. There is no way to make home as simple as a week away at a resort, but certainly home can be made simpler.

Coming down ill after returning home was not fun, especially as the house looked like it had been hit by a tornado Sunday night. I had planned to put everything to rights Monday but woke up feeling as though I might die, so that plan was scrapped and I did pretty much nothing all day. Since then I am feeling a little better (no fever) but I know not to push things too fast so I have been making lists and plans on the computer.

I am very glad that I chose not to take the laptop with me on this trip; I was able to see that a) I spend too much time on the computer, and b) I don't really miss it when I don't have it. Tuesday I worked on decluttering my inboxes and I also made the decision to remove two websites from my bookmarks bar, including facebook; it is so easy to get sucked into seeing what everyone is up to. One trick that helps me is hiding the status of people I don't know personally; my news feed updates far less frequently when I'm limit the updates to people I have actually met in the flesh.

I will be returning to the Down-to-Earth Forums just as soon as I feel a little better and figure out exactly how to work the computer into my routine. I think I will need a solid hour there each day as a moderator. Right now I am still rather depleted and not very excited about any of the topics, but I am trying to pop in daily and add my voice to the conversations.