What Do I Want?

(An introspective post, where I wax philosophical before taking a blogging break.)

I have spent the entire year (perhaps my entire life) trying to figure out what I want. At the very core it is basic; a passionate, loving, friendly partnership, a loving and highly attached relationship with my children, friendly relationships with my extended family (with boundaries firmly in place), and a few good friends. Oh yeah, I want to really like myself. I want to be authentic.

Like I said, those are the basics. I actively work to maintain those relationships, to find and develop friendship, and to keep myself someone that I want to be friends with. Funny idea, but I think being your own friend is important. The more I discover exactly who I am and stay true to that, the more I do like myself.

There are other things of course: I want to travel, I want to be compassionate and charitable, I want to be kind and generous. I want to be healthy, in every way, and to keep my body fit and my mind sharp. I want to be a good steward of the earth.

I've enjoyed blogging this year, but I think it's time to take another break. I write because I like to write, but I'd like even more to be having a good conversation with a friend. In this big world the internet gives us the opportunity to make friends with people who share our values, but whom we will probably never meet. The relationships aren't unimportant, and I wouldn't even say that they aren't real.

In the end however, it is the flesh and blood people who keep you going. It is a kind voice, a soft shoulder, time spent together in fun and work. It is your children laughing and playing together. It is meals shared. It is picking up those newspapers for your neighbor, gratefully receiving backyard produce, sharing a plate of cookies, talking to the people who grow your food...it is genuine human interaction.

I guess I'm not really going anywhere with this, except to say that I am going to take a break, a real break this time, a what would I do if I didn't spend two hours a day on the computer break. A where is my life going break, a my life is good but could be even better break, a time is passing quickly and the children are growing up break.

What's in: email to and from friends, reading the blogs of 4 friends, writing poetry, songs, and non-fiction, and the Enki e-share list. What's out: Amity's, Mothering, Simple Living Network, other blogs, other email lists, mindless surfing, and blogging.

I have one more important post I want to write, and then I will be gone until at least 1/2/07!