The Big Pieces

When you strip away the academics and try to build your foundation for life (not just homeschooling, but living), you'll find that certain things are important for your family. Taking a break from the academics I've learned a few things about what makes things work for us.

Number one is environment. It comes before rhythm, before nourishing meals, before snuggling, singing, and stories. In Enki, environment is a warp thread on the web. For me, right now, I prefer the analogy of the womb.

Before we were ready to create life, the environment had to be prepared. For most of us, that is our homes. They need to be welcoming, nurturing, warm...not necessarily perfectly clean and organized, but liveable. For me personally, things need to be fairly well decluttered and in their places. I function better when I am not looking at visual chaos (okay, I also function better in the absence of aural chaos...I don't do chaos very well). I don't need bare surfaces, but I like things simple and not cluttered. My kitchen needs to be clean.

There are homes you walk into and you just feel the warmth. The style may not be yours, but you feel welcome. I love a home where you can curl up on the couch. I love eating spaces that are small and intimate, and obviously used. I love a big bed that the whole family can pile into. I love warm colors, golden wood floors, and candles that actually get burned. I love front porches and open doors, and garages in the back.

When my environment is sustaining me, I can move on to other things, such as rhythm and health. I'm not sure if one has higher priority than the other; health is necessary to sustain rhythm, rhythm is necessary to sustain health. I suppose though, that health follows close on the heels on environment (and really, it is all interwoven...how can I create the environment if I don't have health?).

At its very core, health is simple. Physical health requires good nourishment, moderate exercise, clean air and water, sunshine, and rest. We approach nutrition with whole foods, lots of fruits and vegetables, grains, beans, and fish. The more simple I make it, the easier it gets. Some people are going to eat beef, chicken, and/or pork. Some will be vegan or vegetarian. I believe that the focus on whole plants foods is what contributes to health, not whether or not one eats meat. Someone who eats steak, whole grains, vegetables, and fruit is probably going to be healthier than a vegan who lives on French fries and soy ice cream. Not that people can't eat those things...just that for us nutrition is a big part of physical health. I don't want to accept diabetes, stroke, or heart attacks as part of aging. I want to do what I can to prevent the preventable cancers.

Our family needs to be active, and for the most part that needs to be uncontrived exercise. Walking and riding bikes are the cornerstones of our fitness. I've spent my time working out at the gym and it isn't for me. I like exercise that takes me somewhere, especially exercise in sunshine, fresh air, and nature. I like activity that has purpose, such as riding to the grocery store or walking to the post office.

Emotional health is something that has been harder for me to find and sustain. At the core, I need close relationships as well as more casual friendships. I need community, which I finally found in my homeschooling group. I need time to pursue things that make me happy and fulfilled, such as reading (head), crafts (hands), and singing or other artistic pursuits (heart). These are the same things that keep my husband and children emotionally healthy as well.

Spiritual health is individual to each person. I think the important thing is to be content with whatever beliefs you have, and to question them if need be so that you can know they are yours and not something you believe because that's what you were taught.

Rhythm ties together health and environment. It is the container that holds our lives. When I was a child our year moved through familiar patterns of ordinary days intermixed with birthdays and holidays. Children naturally look ahead to the next festival without losing the here and now.

Not only do we have an annual rhythm of festivals (be they holidays, birthdays, observances, etc.), we also have seasonal rhythms. As a child I was attuned to the seasons, however, as an adult I got on the treadmill and lost that seasonality. With a full time job I didn't have time to savor the seasons. Central heat and air conditioning, as well as an air-conditioned car, meant it didn't matter if it was 40 degrees or 110 degrees outside. The ability to purchase melons and tomatoes year round also dulled my perception of the seasons. It was only after I had children and slowed down that the seasons gained importance once again. The long nights of December, which used to bother me because I had to drive home in the dark, instead become a time for candles and fires, homemade soups, and fresh-baked bread. The long days of summer give us more time for outdoor activities as well as our beloved summer music series. Spring sends us searching for nestlings and tadpoles. Autumn brings falling leaves and pumpkins, the harvest moon, and basketball.

There is a monthly rhythm as we observe the moon, and then the weekly rhythm of the days. Park on one day, the farmer's market on another, weekdays and weekends. Nights that we have certain meals, a Friday family night, the weekly BMX race. These little things anchor us in time. Even household tasks weave into the weekly rhythm: laundry days, baking days, cleaning days.

Each day is a container itself, filled with waking and sleeping, eating, playing and resting, laughing, loving, and learning. Our lives are not merely chaos; they are an empty musical staff, waiting for us to make the music. Each day is different, yet they all contain similar motifs, half notes and whole notes, staccato and legato, measures of rest. We read, we have focused learning times, we sing, we move, we cook, we clean, we play, we rest. There are hurts to soothe, a dog to quiet, a floor to mop. There are friends to talk with, errands to run, hats to be knitted. We pour all of these things into the container of our days.

Sometimes it really helps to sit back, observe, and discover the foundations of your life. I did the Enki family web exercise months back, and pulling out my web just a moment ago (after writing this entry) I see that what I identified in theory is what works for us when we stop trying to do and just live. Family and Community are our outer ring, our threads are health, rhythm, nature, travel, learning, music, environment, and relationship.

I have said it before:

Wisdom, Vitality, and Compassion are my birthright.
They are the core of all humanity, in all times and in all places.
They may be clouded over, or tarnished, but the brilliance is there,
Unchanged, to be discovered again and again.
May I constantly seek these things in myself,
that I might find them in everyone.

The Trailer is Here!

We picked up our bicycle cargo trailer Friday. After much research, we decided to go with a Burley Nomad with alloy wheels. This meant we had to wait as the alloy wheels were backordered and I was unwilling to go with the mag (plastic) wheels.

There were many possibilities. We considered picking up a used child's trailer and converting it for cargo use (cursing ourselves for having sold our trailer several years ago). We could have built a trailer, but since we have no woodworking skills and no pile of scrap wood it seemed an expensive choice (both in time and money). We looked at several designs and manufacturers of trailers online, and for awhile this Amish trailer was my frontrunner choice.

In the end, however, we saw a Burley at a bike store in Dana Point. I hitched it to a Townie and gave it a test ride (empty, of course). I liked it, Papa liked it, the boys loved it (no logic there...they can't pull it). This was June, not exactly prime trailer towing weather in the inland valleys of Southern California. We decided to wait.

We are firm believers in purchasing from brick and mortar bicycle stores. Papa called our local bike guru and he quoted a decent price on the trailer. We were still waiting, but we wanted to know what kind of price would be reasonable. In August we were back in Dana Point, and we thought about giving that bike store our business, as theirs was the store where we had actually had a chance to see the Nomad. Their price, however, was $30 higher for a trailer that had been sitting in the window for months. The cover was even slightly sun-faded. They claimed to have no wiggle room.

Well, that was fine. I preferred to get it from our local bike store; local being a relative term as there are two stores within walking distance and yet our preferred store is 13 miles away. I would love to give my business to a store that is in our town, if we could get fantastic service. Here's an example: we were shopping for full-face helmets for the boys. The two closest stores vaguely pointed in the direction of the helmets they had and that was it. At Don's, Scott took the time to explain the different helmets to us, and to measure the boys' heads and then order the sizes they needed. When the helmets arrived Scott made sure that they did indeed fit properly.

We've learned over the years that you can't just go to any local bike store. They have to want to sell you a bike, even if it is a $300 bike and not a $3000 bike. Someone needs to make sure that the bike fits well. I bought a bike 12 years ago from the closest bike shop, and even after many attempts to retrofit it the bike is too small for me. Sure, it was a $600 bike to start with, but to us that is a lot of money, and we easily spent another $200 upgrading the stem, seatpost, etc. But a bike that is too small hurts; no wonder I ended up disliking mountain biking. The bike has been borrowed by many people over the years, and now sits waiting for my oldest son to grow into it. I am convinced that if I had purchased that first mountain bike from a store like Don's Bike Shop they would have taken the time to fit me right. I know this, because earlier this year I decided to get a comfort bike, and they had me try several even though I was pretty sure I wanted a Townie. Still, with their help I was able to realize that a coaster brake wasn't something I wanted, although I thought I did.

Anyway, back to the trailer. We ordered it from Don's. Unfortunately, I am off my bike until the end of the year, so Papa and the boys took the trailer out on a trial run yesterday morning. They took the trailer to Trader Joes (and Von's) and managed to bring back everything on my list with room to spare.

A bicycle trailer opens up the possibilities of cycling for more than leisure and quick errands. Car errands become bike errands, and the car can stay parked. We use less oil and we get exercise.

The Fishmonger

Today we decided to buy fish from our local fishmonger. We've resisted for years, because the fish is so much more expensive than buying it frozen at places like Costco, Smart and Final, and Trader Joes. However, today we went for lunch and they had lingcod. Lingcod takes us back to our trip to Oregon, where we bought amazingly fresh local fish each night to cook for dinner, including lingcod one night.

Our fishmonger doesn't catch the fish himself, but he does head out to the fish markets each morning at dawn to get the day's freshest catch. He only sells fresh fish, not previously defrosted frozen fish masking as "fresh" fish.

It is a local trip, easily walked or biked. We were on foot and they sent us home with a Ziploc of ice to keep the fish cold for the 20 minute walk.

Lately I've decided that fabulously fresh food is worth the price. I'd rather cut back other places. And if you figure that after our trip to the bike store this evening (my trailer arrived!) we probably would have gone out to dinner but instead came home to have our super fresh fish, well, we saved money, because I can guarantee you that faced with leftovers or pasta we would have gone out.

We had it for dinner, and it was good!

Making Enki Your Own

There are many ways to start homeschooling. Some people will research and plan for months. Some will jump right in and barely stay a step ahead each day. Some will combine the methods. And some, some will change their minds...

Not about Enki, no. The philosophy is amazing and multiculturally it moves into a place that isn't a "multicultural method"...it is a way of life. Developmentally it meets the children right where they need it. To me, it is the premiere holistic education curriculum.

I did jump into Enki with both feet, with almost zero planning time. I was up each night planning the next day; choosing stories, reading guides, etc. It was right, it was what we needed to do. Educationally my children were served well. As a family, however, something wasn't quite right.

It was as though we had laid an Enki mask over ourselves, thinking that doing it would make it real. I mean this as no criticism of Enki Education, but even adapted for homeschoolers it can be too rigid; it is not a criticism of Enki because I don't think Enki means it to be rigid. But still, you have to hit certain points throughout the day. You are encouraged not to go out much. Sometimes the suggestions are pretty strong "shoulds".

Over time we did make Enki a part of our lives, more than just a mask. But it wasn't by lighting candles and singing developmentally appropriate seasonal songs. The biggest change has been how I see people, and how that affects everything I do with my children. The concept that wisdom, vitality, and compassion belong to all of us has changed me profoundly. Not only because I acknowledge those things in other people (both now and in all times and places), but because I acknowledge them in myself!

Now that I have spent some time working with the Enki philosophy, and also have a couple of years of homeschooling under my belt, I am seeing things more clearly. Certainly my experience with the Holistic Family and Enki Experience groups has also influenced me. I see that there is this desperate desire to do things right. I see people who are afraid to tweak even the littlest things. How many people try to set up their days exactly like the Pretend family? How many people are afraid that they won't do the watercolor painting right?

We can't parent out of fear, and we can't educate our children out of fear. Heck, we can't live if we are afraid of everything. We need to find our wisdom. It's there, perhaps hidden, but always present.

Certainly, there is a point where you veer off so far from Enki philosophy that you are no longer following the blueprint. However, I do see that there is room within it to make Enki a living, breathing part of your family.

Now that we are on break I am able to sit back and observe who we really are. I can clearly identify that we don't want to limit ourselves to one social outing once a week. I can tell you right now that I don't want to be held so firmly to a rhythm that we can't be flexible and join friends for tea and a romp in the park.

Away from Enki academics, we are far more relaxed, easy-going family. We can pick up and do a spur-of-the-moment "field trip" whenever we want. We can get together with friends. We have far more time to read aloud.

Okay, so that sounds a bit like unschooling. I'm not bashing Enki - I love Enki! The break has just given me a different perspective. I don't want to recreate school at home, not even an Enki school. It is highly unlikely that we'll start our main lesson at 9 a.m. everyday. I'm not going to devote the hours of 8-2 to educational pursuits.

This is still unformed; I still have plenty of time to think. My goal is to take this wonderful philosophy, the materials, the methods, and make them uniquely ours.

Housekeeping Rules

I noticed that Becka has laundry rules that work for her, and I was wondering what other housekeeping rules can help keep us on track.

I too attempt to wash a load of laundry every day. Sometimes I mix lights and darks, but most of the time I just alternate; darks one day, lights the next, and so on. I do need to get my first load of the day washed early so I can hang it; summer is gone and drying on the line takes a lot longer. I do have a dryer for back up.

Sometimes I do need to wash more than one load a day; in that case I use the dryer and I do try to make sure that the washing machine is empty before I go to bed (although the dryer may still be running). Papa will almost always help me fold a quick load of laundry before he heads to work.

I was reading a book that claimed that daily laundry rarely works because is it so easy to get behind. I supose that could be true. Once a week washing worked well for us before we had children, and twice a week worked for a time when they were younger. But I find that you have to own a lot more clothes to make less frequent washing work.

We do get behind at times, and we catch it up and start over. No one says we have to be perfect.

Another rule that works for us in terms of laundry is the "make the bed when you get out of it rule". As long as that is done I have a smooth surface to fold clothes on, so I get right to it instead of setting the basket aside until the bed is made. I'll admit right here that I don't always get the bed made early (as there are often sleeping people in it when I get out of bed); when that happens I fold in the living room.

We have other rules that serve us well. We always do the dishes after each meal and snack. Dishes are not allowed to pile up in or next to the sink. If it goes in the dishwasher, put it there. If it needs to be handwashed, wash it. Children who are too young to place things in the dishwasher can still bring their plates from the table. We have a little verse we say to remind them if they accidentally leave their plates at the table:

(Child's name), (Child's Name), strong and able
please clear your plate away from the table

To make this rule work you have to start each day with an empty dishwasher, so the other rule is that the dishwasher gets run every night, even if it isn't quite full (when you cook all your meals everyday it usually is quite full). We run ours in the middle of the night and then unload it in the morning. One thing we do if it isn't completely full is toss our stove grates in there for a good cleaning.

I am often amazed that other people don't follow the rule of doing the dishes as they are dirtied. I've been around enough to know that everyone has their own level of comfort when it comes to such things, and that there is no single right way to do anything. But if you're having a hard time keeping the kitchen under control I suggest giving the dishes rule a try.

Of course, when the dishes are done it is far easier to grab a rag and wipe the counters and kitchen table. My kitchen is often my tidiest room, even though I cook in it daily, or perhaps because I cook in it daily.

I'll think about this some more; for now I have a load of laundry to hang!

Sunday Supper

For a couple of months now I've been trying to implement a Sunday Supper. Growing up we usually had Hamburger Helper, Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (Deluxe!), TV dinners, hot dogs, frozen pot pies, etc. for dinner, so making something more expensive and homemade on Sunday was a big treat. We'd have a beef roast, fried pork chops, glazed chicken, tacos or burritos, etc. It was always something that took more preparation time and of course the meat was more expensive. It also usually meant that I didn't have to cook dinner, which is a plus when you are 10 years old.

Last night we had:

Alaskan Halibut (caught by our neighbor)
Baked potatoes
Sauted zucchini
Oven-roasted cremini mushrooms
Apple Crisp (from scratch!)

Papa really liked that we had dessert, and suggested that the weekly Sunday supper might keep us on track with out healthy eating the rest of the week. I didn't see anything particularly unhealthy in last night's supper, but I understand what he means. I think he was talking more about planning for the meal, working on it together, and enjoying the fact that it is so much better than eating out.

Before we had children we often made elaborate, gourmet vegetarian meals on the weekends. It's easier when you have time, and when you don't have a 6YO complaining about spinach, walnuts, and feta cheese wrapped in filo dough.

The big hitch in the Sunday supper plan is actually staying home on Sundays so we can make the meal. We run around a lot! I'd like to institute a plan to stay home on Sundays, saving our fun activities and/or errands for Saturdays.

My kind of Sunday goes like this:

Wake up early, snuggle for a few minutes
Pack picnic breakfast
Ride bikes to the park
Have picnic, then boys play while Papa and I sip tea
Ride home
Read the newspaper
Spend some time reading or doing handwork
Lunch
BMX Racing (cool months only)
Come home and make supper
Sunday Supper!
Play games
Bedtime for boys

My goal is to have this one relaxed day a week. I put BMX in there because the adult idea of a relaxing day around here usually translates to a "boring" day for the kids. Also, we'd like to race twice a week without having to race two evenings.

Next Sunday? I'm thinking of a macadamia and parsley encrusted wild salmon, with mashed root vegetables, a green veggie, a gourmet salad, and for dessert, an apple pie (if I can perfect gluten free vegan pie crust by then).

The Apron Craze!

I've noticed over the past decade that aprons have become hot, hot, hot! It makes me laugh, because I was wearing a full-skirted half-apron to do dishes back when I was 16! Sadly, that vintage apron has been lost, but I do have a cheery red-checked half-apron that my mother decorated at an in-home party! What an interesting concept. I see a lot of similar aprons on eBay and I wonder if they too were decorated at parties.

In reality, I prefer a full apron, and my daily apron is a no-nonsense bib apron in a heavy leaf-printed twill. I have another full apron made from a vintage pattern with retro design fabrics, but I feel kind of silly when I wear it.

I wear my apron a lot! I wear it when I am cooking, which is everyday, and also when I clean. My neighbors are used to seeing me out in my apron. In the mornings I even wear my apron over my jammies (which is definitely not something a 1950's housewife would do).

Many years ago I ordered some the apron vests that you see advertised in the back of women's magazines. The concept is great, but the ones I ordered were made of a really thin cotton/poly that wrinkled no matter what. Well, it isn't very likely that I am going to iron my apron, so out they went! I guess I shouldn't say never...I'm thinking of giving the gingham a quick pressing.

I also have a clothespin apron. It was made by a friend at AmityMama.

Speaking of aprons, has anyone read Ma Dear's Aprons? We just love it! We're lucky enough to have a hardcover copy.